Friday, March 16, 2012

Bachelor Vocabulary

I love watching The Bachelor.  A lot of people don't understand that.  I know these relationships aren't going to last, most of the time.  I do root for the girls/guys that seems good and sincere, even though they probably wont ever get married.  That being said, the main reason I love the show is to make fun of it.   I like to make fun of the strange things people say, they weird looks they make when they think no one is watching and I really like to laugh at the catch phrases that The Bachelor is known for.  If they aren't giving the contestants a list of words they have to work into every day conversation, I'm going to be VERY surprised.  So, if you're new to The Bachelor, here are some words and phrases you'll need to know.

Cocktail Party: All good parties have lots of alcohol, 25 girls and 1 guy. 

What did I do wrong?: It makes me sad when girls say this (usually after the first cocktail party) because love isn't about what you do or don't do, it's about who you are attracted too, and who compliments you as a person.

Date card: This is how the bachelor asks girls out.  No wonder he's had a hard time finding a wife off TV.

Fairy Tale: It's what all these girls are looking for.  It seems like these girls had a different version of Cinderella than I did, one where the prince handed out 15 glass slippers, and then slowly narrowed it down week by week until Cinderella received the last glass slipper.  See also: I'm ready to meet my prince charming

I'm ready to meet my prince charming: Do you remember that one season with a guy who actually was a prince?  A prince of like nothing. . . but still.  I have to wonder if this is where all the royalty/fairy tale talk originated.

Here for the right reason: At some point every one's sincerity will be questioned.  And it doesn't matter how compatible you are with the bachelor, or what values you have in common, most conversations will center around proving that you are, in fact, here for the right reasons.
We have a connection: Every one does, but who has the strongest connection?  Only one person knows, and his contract says he can't tell you until the season finale.

I don't want to get hurt: Then don't go on a show with 24 losers and one winner.  Odds are against you.

Most dramatic ___________ in bachelor history: Rose ceremony, finale, after the final rose, breakup, hairstyle, pick a random word and its probably been used in this sentence.  I wonder how hard Chris Harrison has to try not to laugh. 

Most controversial _____________ EVER: I'm going to need Chris Harrison to explain to me the difference between dramatic and controversial.  Maybe he just changes it up to keep things fresh, yeah right.

Ben refused to pose for this picture, so they had to use the wax statue of him from Madame Tussaud's.

Ladies, Ben, this is the final rose.  When you're ready.: Does Chris think we can't count to ONE???

If you didn't receive a rose take a moment, say your goodbyes.: Once again, thank you for stating the obvious.

I need her to open up to me: I'm not even going to touch this one. . .

I know my wife/husband is in this room: That's creepy.  What do they think of the 25 other women you've got hanging out in scandalous dresses?

__________ is the perfect place to fall in love: Fiji, Bora Bora, Switzerland, Detroit, Hell.  Does the location really matter?  Because if it does. . . you're going to have problems. 

Falling in love: You can't actually be in love until the final rose, I think its in their contract.  So until then, you can only be "falling" in love.

I didn't know it was going to be this hard: No matter how many bachelors/bachelorettes say this, you'll never know until you're there.

Journey: Mostly refers to the emotional journey, but it can also refer to the fact that they have major jet lag from being dragged across the world to at least five different countries.  You have to use this word at least three times during each of the last three episodes.

Did I miss any?


  1. Haha. THANK YOU! This post is sooo funny for this bachelor watcher. HAHAHAHA New follower :)

    1. Oh Thank you so much! It was so much fun to write.

  2. This is HILARIOUS! THank YOU!! My favorite moments are definatley when Chris 'narrates'... especially 'Ladies.. this is the final rose'.

    1. I seriously wonder how he manages it with a straight face.


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