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| I miss it today. |
I guess when you're burnt out with hoops to jump through, and you miss your child in daycare like crazy, and you love your students but the love in your heart that used to all go to them now goes mostly to your daughter. . . it just wasn't the same as it used to be.
But this year, I have missed it. Which I did not see coming.
I was perplexed. And then I realized. It's been long enough that I've forgotten the worst parts. Like so many other things in life, we remember the good and try to forget the bad. I've done just that. I remember filling out my little weekly schedule. MAN, that was my favorite thing to do. In just 15-20 minutes I would have my whole week planned. Sure, I still had to write the lessons, but at least I knew what topics I had to cover. Throw an assembly in there? It was like trying to do a puzzle, covering all my info with shorter periods to stuff it in to.
Also, talking to my cousin Cait who is starting her first year teaching. She's overwhelmed, like we all are our first year of teaching (I would not go back to that year, but thank goodness I had no children then. It was hard enough) and as I gave her advice I just had this longing to get in there and do it myself. Not that Cait wont be wonderful! (Cait, you're doing great I'm sure!!) But I've put in that time as a newbie and now the fear is gone. I could teach a class I knew nothing about, but I'm so dang comfortable in front of a class of teenagers that I could stay cool as a cucumber. Nothing can phase me (okay dad, except for your class, I know you would throw that in if you and I were talking).
I used to get upset when Adam would suggest that maybe, maybe, I would like to go back to teaching when our kids were older. Now that I've forgotten the bad stuff, maybe he's right.
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| Never tell me that the Miners is a dumb mascot. Someone did once. It did not end well. |
McKay and I talk about how, when we're magically millionaires, we'll both have part time jobs where we work about two hours a day. That way we'll have something, not an overwhelming something, just a LITTLE something, to do outside the home. That way we'll still feel like people with lives, and we won't drive each other crazy with no new stories to tell.
ReplyDeleteAnyway,for me, that's the hardest part of staying home all the time--I start to feel like I have no real identity, and there's no place where I'm just "Julia". Not a wife, not a mother, just "Julia". Maybe that's part of your longing to go back as well, or maybe I'm just projecting too much. It's been one of those weeks, haha.
Yes! When you have a skill and it feels good to be good at something and then you no longer get to do it. . . that is hard. And just being Kimberly is part of why I love blogging. Adult interaction with out having to get out of my bathrobe! (Although I do get dressed every day, maybe just not super early)
DeleteKim! This post was good to read. But yes, you have forgotten all the bad stuff :) I keep thinking "when does that whole 'teaching is rewarding' thing kick in?" But I guess there is hope...maybe someday I will be a pro like you! Also it was so fun to be reading and then have you start talking about ME! Yay I'm famous!!
ReplyDeleteYou deserve to be famous!! I hope you're getting the feel for things. If not, don't worry. It will come. The second year is like 100x easier.
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