Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Fake

Sometimes I feel like a fake.  Like someone is going to suddenly realize and tell everyone and I'll just be standing there, exposed.  I worry someone is going to figure out that I'm a fake singer, a fake interior designer, a fake blogger, a fake adult.

All my life I have preferred the name Kimberly to Kim.  When I was in Kindergarten I remember not knowing how to spell Kimberly so I would write Kimmie on my papers.  Do not ever call me that.  The point is, when people ask me which I prefer I say, "either."  Why don't I tell the truth???  Please don't call me Kim.  I think they are going to tell me Kimberly is too many syllables and that Kimberly isn't my real name (its totally my real name) and that I'm not pretty enough to be a Kimberly.  Weird, right?

I also remember watching commercials for career colleges as a kid and when they would list the various degrees offered, I would always dream of what it would be like to be an interior designer.  Then at BYU I chose my major so that I could take the most interior design classes (they stopped offering it as a major shortly after I started school there).  Since graduating I've taught interior design for five years.  My students have won two district wide competitions and taken first and second in the state for other competitions, but I still don't feel like an interior designer.

SO: I'm going to tell everyone that I'm a singer (because I totally sang the National Anthem at an assembly in September) and I'm going to tell everyone that I'm an interior designer, and I'm going to tell everyone that my name is Kimberly.  And I'm going to believe myself, when I say I'm all of these things.  

Because I really am.

2 comments:

  1. I feel terrible now because I've called you 'Kim' my whole life and never even considered you might prefer Kimberly! I'll try very, very hard to remember next time I see you. I dread telling people my name because they always think I say 'Julie' and I HATE being called Julie, but it feels rude to correct them if they don't ask for clarification. Love the post, I can really relate to feeling fake.

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    Replies
    1. Julia, don't feel bad! You can hardly say you remember meeting me for the first time, so all is forgiven. I'm glad you can relate to this post, not because I want you to feel insecure, but nice to know I'm not the only one.

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